Thirteen Out the Door

The big finale of the Persian New Year is "Sizdeh Bedar" which translates literally to Thirteen Out the Door. Today, on the 13th day of the new year, Iranians assemble picnic items and gather family members for a day outside at the nearest park with preferably a river or creek or some body of water (I'll get to that in a second). As you have probably figured out by now, Iranians don't mess around when it comes to food. So the picnic consists of everything typical of an american picnic like sandwiches, chips, fruits and soda to all-out persian additions like noodle soups, elaborate pastries and cookies, rice dishes and stews, and grilled kabobs.

According to this site, the old school Persians considered thirteen to be an unlucky number, so on the thirteenth day, they felt it was necessary to be outside of the home and sharing the day with the hills, the fields and mother nature. Thus began the worldwide Persian tradition of spending Sizdeh Bedar at the park with family and friends, eating food, playing frisbee, soccer or backgammon and dancing to persian music blasting from portable cd-players all day. This day is also significant in officially marking an end to the Persian New Year festivities; the sofreh would be cleaned up and stored away, and the green sprouts ("sabzi") would be tossed into a river or stream as a symbol of wishing for many good things in the new year. Evidently, after two weeks, the green sprouts tend to turn slightly yellow and wilted, which represents sickness or problems. So on Sizdeh Bedar, you take the sabzi, tie a ribbon around bunches of sprouts and make a wish. Each ribbon tied around the bunch of sprouts symbolize one wish - you can make as many wishes as you like, most notably for a husband, which has seemed to be the most common persian tradition - then you toss the sabzi into the water. Don't you love all the symbolism and metaphors? That is why Iranians will never be direct in expressing themselves. That is why persian men and women are quite unique and complicated. And that is why - as a very direct and forward person - I am a complete anomaly in my culture *smile*.

Unfortunately, since Sizdeh Bedar seems to inevitably fall on a weekday, Iranians designate the previous or upcoming Sunday as the day to be out. For example, the Sizdeh Bedar for the Virginia Iranians was this past Sunday, and the Maryland one is this upcoming Sunday (Black Hills Park - a long time tradition in Montgomery County - which gets so crowded there are shuttle buses that transport families from their cars, parked along the road, to the park). The fondest childhood memories I have of Sizdeh Bedar is the socializing. I couldn't wait to see my friends - kids of my parents' friends - and we'd immediately stray from our families and go on people-watching walks around the park. Who's wearing what, who's dating whom, whose son is back in town on break and suddenly looks a LOT better than he did last year... Then the eye-flirting began. Groups of girls would mischievously eye groups of boys across the field - of course, never actually approaching them - and circle each other until it got tiring. And don't get me started on the food. Not only did you get to tap your own family's wide selection of food, but next thing you know, you would get sucked into eating with other families. I take it when my ancestors were coming up with all these symbolic traditions, they decided that the purpose of Sizdeh Bedar was to begin the new year with relaxing and fun times with family and friends, and getting fresh air while being one with nature. Not a bad tradition, eh?

March is kind of a big deal...

...at least in my household. I love love LOVE this time of year. Not only because my birthday is coming up. And not only because of the NCAA Tournament (which I'm not following this year and I don't want to talk about it). But it's a festive month for us Iranians! The Persian New Year (Norooz meaning "new day") starts on the first day of spring (March 20th) and there is a whole slew of festivities and traditions we follow in anticipation of the big day to ring in year 1387. Iranians and Afghanis follow the solar calendar officially, which begins on the spring equinox, and is more accurate than the Gregorian calendar which we follow in the states.

First, we do the annual "spring cleaning" which in Farsi the literal translation is "house shake-up." Because that is exactly what we do dammit. Growing up, during this time of the year, I'd help my mom clean the entire house from floor to ceiling, to the point where there wasn't a speck of dust left anywhere. We'd reorganize everything from kitchen cabinets to the linen closets to the tools in the garage. We'd clean curtains and rugs, polish the silverware and decorations. I never understood why I'd have to vacuum behind my bed when no one sees it anyway? When it got to the point of taking my books off my shelves to dust them, I'd deliberately start hacking and coughing and allege that the "spring cleaning" was exacerbating my asthma. Of course, this is also around the time I began obsessively organizing my clothes and sock drawers by color. Blame it on the yearly house shake-up. I never knew this but apparently, in ancient times, Persians believed that spirits of deceased families and friends were going to visit, thus triggering a frenzy of house cleaning for the occasion.

Then we shop for food. We started out at the normal american grocery stores...Giant, Mars, Superfresh. Then make our way to the persian grocery store. During the week leading up to the New Year, my parents would shop almost daily, realizing they forgot one last thing! Man, this was the best time of year - we had to stock two refrigerators. We're talking endless amounts of fruits, vegetables, meats, fish, rice, pistachios, nuts, dried fruits, sugar-coated almonds, an array of persian cookies and pastries and ice cream...

My mom had a ritual for the traditional persian new year spread that every Iranian family arranged in their houses a week before the new year: green sprouts had to be washed and soaked while she closed her eyes and prayed for good things to come in the new year, then she would carefully watch them grow in the sunlight by our kitchen window. Then I would be instructed to paint a few hard-boiled eggs with my own special designs, which usually consisted of the Iranian flag colors that I would almost always paint in the wrong order (green, white THEN red dammit). Goldfish were bought and put in a makeshift fishbowl. And the most distinctive memory of Norooz I have is the strong scent of the hyacinth plants we'd buy to bring in the spring season. Since I know you're all curious, I've included a diagram of the Sofreh Haft-sin (Arrangement of the 7 items that begin with "s"). Each "s" item has symbolic meaning to it. (I've stolen it from this article).

Persian Name	Definition	Description & Symbolism
Sabzeh	Spring Sprouts	Made from wheat or lentil this S signifies rebirth and renewal.
Senjed	A sweet, dry fruit of a lotus tree	The fragrant and blooming lotus tree makes people fall in love so it is natural that its fruit would signify love and affection.
Sib	Apple	A big red apple represents health and beauty.
Samanu	Wheat Pudding	Wheat and wheat products signify sweetness and fertility.
Serkeh	Vinegar	White Vinegar signifies age and patience.
Somagh	Crushed Sumac berries	This S symbolizes the spice of life. Some say Somagh represents the color of the sunrise and with the sun all evil is conquered.
Seer	Garlic	This medicinal S is a sign of good health.
Sekeh	Gold Coins	Wealth and Prosperity
Sonbol	Hyacinth Flower	Purple or pink hyacinth are common on the Sofreh and also represent life and beauty.
Gold Fish	Mahi	Gold Fish in a clear white bowl represents life and the end of the astral year associated with the constellation Pisces.
Ayne	Mirror	To bring light & brightness into the New Year
Sha’am	Two Candelabras	Candles large or small can be used and symbolize fire & energy.
Tokhm-e Morgh	Decorated Eggs	Symbolizes fertility. Eggs are painted by children much like Easter eggs are painted.
Ajil	Assorted Nuts	Iranians love nuts. They can be roasted pistachios, walnuts, almonds, and hazelnuts
Scriptures	Koran, Bible, Torah, Avesta or other Scriptures, or Poetry depending on beliefs	Symbolizes blessings and faith in the New Year. You can also place a Divan-e Hafez or other book of faith and knowledge.

My favorite tradition is the shopping for clothes and gifts. You aren't supposed to buy gifts for elders (other than maybe flowers out of respect), but for only those younger than you. Being the youngest of the family, I definitely reaped the benefits of this tradition. But best of all, I get to spoil my nieces and nephews. It is persian tradition to wear brand new clothes, right down to your undies, for the new year countdown. I didn't make up the rules, and I don't question them.

The last Tuesday night before March 20th is a persian holiday called Chahar-shanbeh Souri ("Red Eve of Wednesday"). Basically, you round up all your friends and relatives in a field somewhere, light a couple bonfires, eat some warm Persian soup, jump over the bonfires, and dance your ass off in celebration of the last Wednesday of the year. The significance of jumping over fire is you want the fire to take your sickness and problems from the prior year and in turn give you warmth and energy for the upcoming year.

On the eve of Norooz (which occurs at 1:48am EST this Thursday, March 20), you eat a specially prepared meal with your family consisting of smoked white fish and dill rice, then count down (literally, like the December 31st countdown), and hug and kiss everyone in the spirit of the new year. The phone usually starts to ring off the hook by then by relatives across the pond calling to wish a Happy New Year.

Oh, it doesn't end there...but I do. I will explain the post-new year traditions after Thursday. I still have some last minute shopping to do. Noroozeh hamegi mobarak! ("Happy New Year to everyone").

Yo, Mahmoud, How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up. . .?!

So every media outlet is creating an uproar over Ahmadinejad coming to address the U.N. Assembly on Tuesday, as well as being invited to speak at Columbia University on Monday. Dude even wanted to visit the Ground Zero site. Isn't that thoughtful? He was probably going to arrive with spray paint in hand to write "A-dogg was here. DEATH TO AMERICA!!!" on the scraps of concrete strewn all over the WTC grounds. You know, I'm actually looking forward to hearing what shit he'll spew to the U.N. Assembly. Will he see another divine halo of light around himself? Wait, I bet he'll levitate a few inches off the ground - that's a sign he is a man of God!! And do you have any idea how vocal and organized the Jewish students are at Columbia? No way this will go down quietly. I'm all for Mahmoud standing on a couple phonebooks behind the wooden podium on the steps of the Columbia College library, looking over a sea of yarmulkes, anticipating shoving his size 8 foot in his mouth. Let him face the music here. You're not in Qom anymore, Dorothy.

I don't live in Iran, so I may feel differently and more seriously toward this issue if I did, but at this point, I equate Ahmadinejad's erratic, unpredictable, laughable behavior with that of Britney Spears. Dude is either really smart or really stupid. Like Britney, he either has a long-term master plan to come back and take over the world. Or he's so delusional that upon every ridiculous step he takes, the 7 billion people around the world simultaneously slap their foreheads and say "jesus, not again." He is simply out of control. Just like we're begging Britney: Mahmoud, we know you're just dying for attention but we implore you, put down the pipe and try to actually LISTEN to the advisors around you before speaking in public.

Word of advice to prospective Columbia protesters: don't forget your tomatoes (or stones, which would be my personal choice). If I was in NYC, I'd definitely attend. Word of advice to Mahmoud: bring a few large bodyguards.