Are you serious?

When I first started this site, I did so on the basis of two self-imposed rules: 1) this would not be a venting/therapeutic/raging blog and 2) this would not be a daily journal or "dear diary" type blog. But the events that I have experienced over the past two days - that may make this post appear vengeful - are simply too blog-able for me not to share with my audience. Not only was I dying to tell people about the sheer humor and ridiculousness of what went down, but since I have received snide comments from the passive-aggressive person involved, he has lost any sympathy he may have wished to get from me, not to mention the slightest respect and decency from me NOT to expose his immaturity on the internet. Clearly, brother didn't know who he was dealing with. Am I being as childish? Probably, but this is too damn amusing.

I went on a date with a guy about two weeks ago. I really hate to date complete strangers but he was a little persistent and he seemed normal so I thought I'd give him a shot. At best, a relationship comes out of it, at worst, a casual acquaintance, right? To break him down to stats and numbers as most guys seem to do with girls is not my style, but I will do it only for brevity: he wasn't bad looking - probably a "7," he had an okay government job, he was well-traveled, kinda nerdy and wanting to pursue more schooling, BUT, as I later learned, his personality was a flat zero (in my humble opinion). We went to a shisha lounge for dinner and drinks on a week night. We talked for a bit and as much as I tried, there was no chemistry and really no common interests except for travel. I noticed he was a bit socially awkward, not comfortable with himself at all, and his poor attempts to joke got no more than a couple pity-chuckles. He simply wasn't a good match for me. I offered to pay but he insisted on paying, noting when the bill arrived "ooh! $100? That's so cheap!" We ended the night on a friendly note - no kiss, no hand-holding, no touching, nothing but a goodbye-hug. And I talked to him a couple times on the phone and online to see if maybe I was dismissing him too quickly. Nope, still zero personality.

For two weeks, I stalled seeing him. I didn't answer his calls. I was kind of hoping he'd get a hint. But I was still torn and my damn conscience got to me: should I give him another try? Maybe he was on an off night? Am I being too superficial? But by this week, I seriously was dreading another evening with him and I decided that wasn't fair to him at all. Why waste his time (or mine)? Since he anticipated meeting up again this week, I contacted him on Tuesday to give him only what I would expect from someone who just wasn't into me - the straightforward truth - and THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATION IN HISTORY went as follows:

me: hey ____, i need to be upfront with you about something and i don't want to lead you on or string you along but at this point i just feel like this isn't going anywhere. i'm sorry, but i don't want to be disingenuous, and you deserve better.
him: *silence*
me: uh, hello? are you there?
him: yes.
me: umm. ok, well i mean it when i say you deserve better. i don't think it's right for you to get anything less than what you give...and i just feel like i wouldn't return the sentiment.
him: *pause* i see.
me: does that make sense?
him: *pause* well, rejection never makes sense.
me: i wish you didn't look at it as rejection. either something works or it doesn't. you can't force it, ya know?
him: yeah well i suppose everyone now is looking for the best. it's just hard to believe the stuff you're saying when i hear the same speech all the time.
me: *nervous twitching* um...well...i can't speak for anyone but myself...
him: so what is it about me that you don't like? you know, i just try to look for the good in people.
me: *anxiously shifting in my chair* uhh i'm not going to nitpick at you, it's not my place...i just can't explain chemistry...
him: yeah i don't really think chemistry exists. it's just an excuse for someone's uncertainty, indecision, lack of confidence and inability to take a chance. what ever happened to getting to know someone?
me: umm...yeah. ok well, i said my piece, i won't argue with you. good luck!! *dying inside*
him: i'm not arguing. i just want to talk about it. why didn't you just say something earlier?
me: umm, well we've only gone out once, and i wasn't sure but since i've gotten to talk to you....well...this is getting uncomfortable. i'm sorry. *pulling gun out of drawer...*

Skip to today. I get an email from Mr. Passive-Aggressive with the following:

"So you blow me off and now I have to pay off a hundred dollar credit card bill from going out. Gee, thanks. Seems like you used me for a good night out. Have a great weekend."

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. That is the funniest thing I've ever received. Wait - he thinks that was a good night out? Pobrecito. Wait - didn't he insist to pay? Poor guy - he went on a date and had to pay! My friend suggested I send him a pack of razors with a note saying "I think you'll make the right choice." Even that is too harsh by my standards. No seriously, what the hell did this guy expect? I really did feel bad at the beginning: maybe the dude has had a rough couple of months. Maybe he has seasonal depression. Maybe he is just really desperate for a girlfriend....then the snide comments came out followed by the brilliant email. Now all bets are off, sucker. Really, the email is frame-worthy.

Evidently, I shouldn't have called him to let him down in the first place. This guy thinks I should have done the trail-off method (not answer emails/calls, avoid him at all costs, and never talk to him again) and that I deserved the reaction I got. Guys really prefer to have a girl disappear completely rather than her tell him upfront that it won't work out? And I thought their's was the gender with balls. Suck it up. Don't get into the dating game if you can't handle the possibility of a girl not liking you or *gasp* the possibility that she might actually give you the truth of not liking you. It goes both ways, ladies.

The ice on my heart and soul will melt soon, I promise. Spring is coming.

Red Flags

I couldn't resist sharing some recently-acquired wisdom: just a few things girls should be wary of on a FIRST DATE. Hopefully this will save you ladies out there. . .from a second date with the weirdo that displays any of the behaviors below.

1 - He picks a venue across the street from his apartment.
2 - The venue is a diner.
3 - When the bill arrives, you do the obligatory wallet-reach to show you're willing to split. He responds with "yeah can you pay your share? I'm totally broke."
4 - He keeps insisting you go back to said apartment across the street for "some beer and a movie."
5 - He picks his teeth at the table.
6 - He asks how many boyfriends you've had.
7 - He discusses his ex. Whom he lived with for two years. Describes it as "fun."
8 - He discusses his past girlfriends. Explicitly. That he broke up with over the last couple weeks.
9 - He stares at a girl across the room for half the night and "swears it's his ex" (another one).
10 - He has a lot of ex-girlfriends. Some lasted for a few days.
11 - He always walks ahead of you. Even in a crowded room.
12 - When making plans for the movies, he lists off the ones he wants to see. Then tells you to pick.
13 - He asks you for a compliment. For him.
14 - As the server walks away, he says "she's cute. "
15 - He has a rubber-necking problem when any female walks by.
16 - He chews his nails.
17 - He chides you for smoking shisha socially, but then whips out a pack of cigarettes.
18 - He talks about meeting your parents. This is the first date.
19 - He can dish a lot of teasing and joking, but can't take yours.
20 - He's not emotionally close to his family. Has a non-existent relationship with his brother. (Depending on what you're looking for, some girls may not view this to be a bad thing).
21 - He admits to having "a lot of baggage." Remember, this is the first date.
22 - He tells you he doesn't think you'll make a good [insert prospective career here].

(Yes, these are all from personal experience. Accumulated from only 2 first dates). I could probably list a few more but I don't want to discourage single people out there from dating altogether. Just remember to make a mental note of red flags, and ABORT MISSION early in the night if you have to. I'm now off to the nearest Gay and Lesbian Alliance Meeting.