While I'm tweaking my own "thoughts," here are some of the best SNL ones. I don't know if there is something inherently wrong with me but these crack me up every time:
"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."
"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
"If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now."
"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."
"One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse."
"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other."
"I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."
"For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness."
1 comment:
"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other."
This one still cracks me up.
Post a Comment