Home Sweet Home

I really couldn't have asked for a better roommate setup than the one I have now. Two roommates who are both kind, considerate, independent and, most importantly, sane. However, only recently has it occurred to me - with the acquisition of the new, foreign roommate - that Roommate A (here first) and Roommate B (just moved in) could not be more different from each other. Roommate A is a sweet, all-American teacher who shops at J.Crew and makes her students rice-krispie treats and hand-crafted frames; she runs marathons and I've caught her actually watching some baseball or football games when I've come home; she is very passive but still functional, well-adjusted and very sociable on a normal level; she really had to be broken in during the first couple months that I moved in with my crass retorts and sarcastic jokes; she has a full-time boyfriend so she actually sleeps at our house about 3x a week. We've lived together for almost 3 years so by now we have a steady, quite-feminine friendship where we will occasionally have male-bashing sessions or exchange life wisdom and experiences with each other. Oh, did I mention she's a looker? Sorry, guys, she's not breaking up anytime soon.

Enter Roommate B. Being the semi-Type A personality I am, I took charge of finding the new roommate. Her and I would be sharing most of the living space, after all. I knew what I was looking for: someone who would communicate, have her own life, clean up after herself, and be financially responsible. (Not unlike what I look for in a man). Roommate B moved from China to the US at age 12, by herself, to go to a musical boarding school in Cali, and moved to the DC area after graduating college in Wisconsin. Even though she's a young fish, I figured her upbringing has made her grow up fast. She's a simple girl, fresh off the boat, can't cook for herself, and has an out-of-town boyfriend. She is still very naive and impressionable at 23, so I couldn't resist taking her under my wing (which may or may not blow up in my face). I was excited to have an "international" roommate to balance out the Americanness that was taking over our house. Within her first week at the house, I taught Roommate B how to smoke shisha and properly load a dishwasher; we ate sushi together; mocked American celebrities; and had long discussions about China. I was enjoying myself: interacting with A and B separately as we all lead hectic lives and run in and out of the house at different times of the week. I had a nice ying-yang balance in the people I lived with, each probably representing an aspect of myself. Then when the three of us were actually home at the same time, it hit me that Roommate A and Roommate B are complete opposites.

Although I find B's naivete endearing, I think it's shocked A everytime something came out of B's mouth. "I read somewhere that men think about sex a lot. Is that true?" Awww, honey, let me tell you. I explained the false myth that most American kids have heard since childhood, how men think about sex every 7 seconds/3 minutes/etc. but I had to clarify to B that, yes, a lot of men are driven by sex (I added that whether or not it's more often than women is arguable). Other innocent remarks or questions she's unabashedly made to us (you have to respect that): "What does 'preppy' mean?" "Are you watching the superbowl?" (During the Redskins/Patriots game Sunday afternoon). "Who are the 'Redskins?'" It could be worse. I just have a flashback to my own childhood, when my parents would pose such questions to my American friends and I, and I would laugh nervously and just explain American slang or pop culture. I totally feel for Roommate B, but Roommate A's facial reactions are priceless.

The goal is to keep the ying and yang apart.